Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize