does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
