sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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