why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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