He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
