my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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