dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
