Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
