he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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