I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
