I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Come on in and take your pants off
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