I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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