i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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