I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
