he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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