it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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