Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
