Will you blow on my dice?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
