my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
