Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
