Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
