Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
