It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
