I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
