If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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