Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
