Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
