walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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