Just mADE A PArabola og urine
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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