can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
