Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
