I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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