I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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