im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
