I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
