The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
