Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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