Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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