Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
