i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
