I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
