This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
