I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
