wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
