Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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