Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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