He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
