you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
