im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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