she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
