The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
