as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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