I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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