Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can't put those talents on a resume
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
