I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think your dad took our porno
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
