Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I puked a lego.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
