So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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