he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
