Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
