I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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