Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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