You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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